and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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