I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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