Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
True college students do jello shots in the library
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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