Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
