Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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