I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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