note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
