You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
