god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
then he tried to convert me to islam
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
