Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
