I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
