Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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