wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
