Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
