I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
