I heard we made out
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
