he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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