my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize