Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Vodka?
Forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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