i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
