At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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