I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize