Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
