I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
nutella sex= disaster
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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