Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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