Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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