There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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