You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
