I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The power of my boobs compel you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
