We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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