would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
