Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
