MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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