You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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