i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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