She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
