I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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