I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
