ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
