TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
