They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
