Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
