I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
