She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
