Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
