haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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