In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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