at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
