i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
