Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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