Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
what day is it and did you see me today?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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