if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Shame - the story of my life.
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