Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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