Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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