i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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