I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
