grandma shit on top of the toilet
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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