best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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