ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Less talking, more tequila
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
