They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
