I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where