I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.