Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..