i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"