no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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