im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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