Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
