Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
