Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
