His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
