We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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