you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
